Writing. Something I used to do all the time. I used to be pretty damn good at it. I'd write all the time, for blogs, for books, for anyone and anything. I felt the only way I could ever truly get across how I felt was through writing. I lost that, and a lot of myself, when I stumbled into what was a very difficult and very negative relationship. I lost most of what made me myself. It's weird because when you're in it, you believe it could be amazing if you just work a little more...but you can't change someone...no matter how much you wish you could.
I'm reconnecting with the things that matter in my life. My family, my friends, music, love, laughter, dancing. I find joy in every day, even if I'm miserably ill, I smile and laugh at least once. Usually, depending on the conversation and the person, it can be quite a few times.
The irony of whats been going on is that I see a lot of peoples true colors, maybe that's the beauty of it. You see what people really are like, who they really are. You see their weaknesses, you see their faults, you see who they want to be and who they were. I've reconnected with old friends, I've lost some bad friends, but I'm making peace with all of it.
I have been making it through this bumpy time in life and will hopefully come out through the other side shining. My health has been a constant battle for me and it's almost as if once in awhile it just decides to all go to shit, just to remind me how strong I am. It reminds me that I am in fact superwoman. I am my own savior. I don't need anybody else but me. However, having amazing friends certainly does make it a lot more fun.
It's lovely to feel butterflies again, to be so excited to see someones face that you can't stop grinning. To feel your best friend wrap you in their arms, hold you tight, and promise that they're never going anywhere. To hear your Twinsie's voice on a particularly bad morning, just because, well, she loves you and you're her soul sister and kindred spirit.
I have some of the most beautiful people in my life that I thank God every night for bringing them into my world. I have some of the most beautiful spirits, the most talented minds, the most heart-wrenchingly loving people that sometimes I am speechless because of it.
Relationships are hard work, regardless of the type of relationship. It could just be a friendship, it could be evolving into something more, it could have been more and now it's going to be less...they all include work, they all require effort. Make the effort, you'll reap the rewards, I promise. Don't be afraid to say the thing you think you shouldn't. Don't be afraid to take the leap you're scared to for the fear of falling. The leap may be scary, but falling is the best part sometimes. Jump, then fall. Enjoy the ride.
My strongest relationships are with people I have open and honest communication with. Sure, half the time, I really don't like what he/she says to me, but I respect and appreciate their honesty. It means something to me, that they can be themselves like that. That's what I want. I want them, the good or bad, the ugly, the broken pieces, whatever it may be. Be who you are, OWN who you are, and never falter. If you are a girl who doesn't like to wear heels, then don't wear heels. If you're a guy who prefers video games to fancy dinners, then play your video games. Don't be afraid of what you are and never be afraid of what you're not.
My body may falter and break down once in awhile, but my heart and soul never stops. My head may be filled with pain but my heart is filled with love. That's really all I can ask for in this life, that's really...the best life. This is a good life. I love every crazy moment of it. This year, I plan on soaking up as much life as I possibly can because I am so madly in love with it.
Fall in love. With yourself, with someone else. Embrace the ups, the downs, the complicated and the unknown. The people you fall asleep thinking about, keep them as close to your heart as possible. Tell them you love them every chance you have. Never let them think for a second you don't. Don't let your past ruin your future. Every one has their own baggage, it's what changes us and makes us who we are today. Some people are brought into your life to hurt you and break you down, just so you can put yourself back together again and become the person you're meant to be. Embrace all of it.
Live your life. Love your life.
