But how does it feel to swim in your own tears?

Probably by now many of you have heard of Christina Perri, if not maybe you have heard her amazing song called 'Jar of Hearts' (available to listen for free here on last.fm and are just now putting a name and a face to gut wrenching, honest, heartbreakingly beautiful and haunting lyrical talent that she is.

I have been a very huge fan of her work and writing for an incredibly long time and have followed her career closely. I have been psyched for her album release, I downloaded four copies from iTunes onto every computer I have just to help boost her sales. Her debut album entitled lovestrong is an incredibly powerful and profound mix of confusion, pain, heartache, love, agony, and some of the most talented and eloquent music production and writing that I have heard in years. She doesn't need a drum machine and an auto tone, the emotion adds to the tone, the strings add to the depth, and before you know it you're sucked into this moment that fills your entire body with feeling. Your blood pressure kicks up and you actually, for a moment, feel yourself connecting and realizing that this artist has done something that no one has been able to do in a very long time. Write songs about heartbreak without being a bitch, show pain without being weak, and weave beautiful melodies over intricate stories of love and life that leave you breathless at the end of each track.

I rarely, if ever, enjoy every single track on an album but with hers...every note, every triad, every new key...my heart just breathes it in, my soul feels calm, and this entire overwhelming feeling of 'wow, she actually gets it and can say what I feel without sounding bitter'. There are quite a few upbeat songs in there, that will have the pissed off side of you bopping around and venting, singing along about how you grow and get past the bad loves, move onto the better and enjoy life.

Christina Perri has inspired me with her album, lovestrong and I really hope it inspires you as well. I hope you connect to it. I hope you find something in it that speaks to you as well as it has spoken to me. And most of all, I hope it makes you feel something, because that's what good music does. It makes you feel. Enjoy!

lovestrong available from Amazon.com

You say you see straight through me, don't you?

So many people think they know me, they know my story, but they don't have a fucking clue.

I am going to be writing again, often. I am going to be honest, real, and brash. The truth hurts. If you can't handle it, then go elsewhere. I'm not here to please people, to give people something fun to read or to entertain anyone. I do this for me. And only for me.


I really don't give a fuck what any of you think. This is something I am doing for me. And only for me. That is important. All there is to it.

I'm done with people thinking they can walk all over me, use me as their punching bag, or treat me however they think is right. The times have changed.

I have changed.

I'm not who I was yesterday. Today it's a new day. Today it's different. Every thing is going to be different now.

We could have had it all.

It hurts when you love someone like blood, like family, like a sister...when they bail on you. When they don't see the pain they've caused, and that the actions that they don't like are just the retaliation to what they have done. They don't realize that sometimes, when people are hurting, and dealing, and can't handle what someone is doing to them, all that person can do is deflect, and push, and fight, and argue, and try to force them to be strong so maybe, just maybe, they'll stop for a moment.

Maybe, for a moment they can breathe. Maybe they can realize that a friendship, that best friends, that it isn't easy always. It takes work, and it takes communicating. You can't use someone as a punching bag constantly then be upset with them for being hard on you. Maybe you should look in the mirror and remember all the times you railed in on them, and then remember all the times you didn't even ask how their life was going? A failure in a relationship is never one sided. And it's never the end until both people want it to be.

If you love someone, you love them, and you want them to be happy and healthy, and you also never quit on them. You never, ever quit on them. If shit gets hard, and shit gets rough. Then you sit down, you talk it out. You don't bail, you don't give up, and you certainly don't write a simple email wishing them well. That is not loving someone, caring for them, being a best friend...that's being disrespectful, shallow, self involved, and just plain mean.

It's also being someone that I don't know if I will ever look at the same.

You've broken every promise. You've gone against every word you've ever said. You've turned into him. I hope you're happy when you look into the mirror. I know what I've done wrong, I knew what was wrong the entire time but you never could handle the talk, it was always too much for you. But you bailed, you became that person.

I don't know if I ever even want to look at your name again. I don't know if I can ever live with myself for loving you. And I don't think, I can ever forgive any of this.

You are were my sister, my person. How could you do something like this?