All you are is mean.

While away from my cell phone earlier this afternoon, I received a phone call from someone who is very close to my heart. This person left a voicemail for me, starting out friendly in a happy tone saying she was just calling to say hey. The message proceeded to get more sad in tone as the message progressed. The moment I heard the message, I could hear the pain in her voice, the heart ache, the sadness.

I called her back immediately. I didn't care to listen to all of the message because I knew what she was doing, she was calling because right now something wasn't right, right now she needed a friend and she needed to talk. Whether it was about something as pointless as macaroni cheese and salmon or as deep as a best friend betraying us for a man that they aren't even interested in, I knew she needed me and she needed to talk.

I realized that even though she and I don't get to talk as often as much as I would prefer, that when we do, they're great talks. We're real with each other. I let her vent her pain, I let her take that burden off of herself and free herself of that weight. I knew it was something she needed, and I knew one day it'd be something I needed from her.

The topics ranged but one thing was constant, we laughed and we teared up, we were there for each other and we were strong enough to show our pain and show our darkest hurt and secrets, show them proudly to one another without regret and know that yes, we may have done some things in our past, and yes we should've known better but how can you know better until you learn the lesson yourself?

We also have come to the conclusion that certain people are just mean, to be mean. They're going to end up alone, in a bar, forty years from now sitting there, talking to themselves over a bottle of scotch. All they're ever going to be is mean. How can you turn your back on us? How can you choose him over her? How can you not stick up for your friend? How can you not have her back? How can you leave her alone to deal with this? How can you bail like that? They will only ever be mean and we will never let them continue their cycle on us. We won't be mean. We will continue to hold our heads high, respect ourselves and our sisters, our girlfriends, our fellow survivors and fighters. We will not bend or break to someone who is just mean. That's not a promise. It's a gurantee. All you are, is mean.

And for this post, we dedicate the song Taylor Swifts 'Mean'. Available to download here. Please listen, enjoy, and know...yes, be vain, because this song is about you.

The End.

I've been going through fucking hell and you want to bitch to me about how you dont think my problems are real? Go fuck yourself. You will NOT break me. You will NOT belittle me. And you will NOT knock me down. I refuse to fall.

My life has been tough as of late. Tough in a way I haven't known or seen in a long time. I withdrew into myself for a long time while I dealt with a lot of health issues as well as some family stuff that was happening. I leaned on my best friends, spent time with those that mattered to me, and tried to stay as positive as possible.

Through all of this I've realized who matters, who cares, and who doesn't. Who shows up, every time and who fails to call. It hurt and it stung but that pain became useful to me, and it continues to be useful to me.

I will always be myself. If anyone has a problem with that, or a question about something, ask me. People think they know me because they base it off the hearsay of others. That's not knowing someone. That's knowing peoples gossip. You can't base your opinion on someone as a person, by what other people say. It has to be your experience with that person, not influenced by the outside. It's how I treat all of my friends and everyone in my life. And how I think I should be treated as well. What people say is what people say, the truth gets twisted and turned, pretty soon what you think you know is the truth vs the lie, isn't right. It's all a mess.

I want to thank those who have stood by me, who have supported me through everything, who have had my back 100% without wavering, and always let me cry on their chest. A good friend of mine who has always supported me said that my life is mine to share, and I should share as much or as little as I want. She's a very smart (and gorgeous, you hot mama you!)lady but what she said really hit home. Intimate details of my life will never be public knowledge. The last few weeks/months have been hard for me and I have kept it all on the down low. Those that needed to know, close friends and family, did know. It was no one else's business because quite frankly, I didn't want it to be.

If you have a problem with me, you address it with me. But don't think for a second your mean words, snotty tone, and bitch ass attitude is ever going to change who I am.