"I make no apologies for how I put together what you broke"

I think you missed my point earlier. I didn't mean that you not wanting to talk about it while you're with her was an excuse, I meant that every time you say you want to talk about something, you put it off, and then something else comes up, and you put it off again. Before anyone can blink, its been two weeks and you haven't even hinted at the conversation. When truthfully I don't believe you wanted to have the conversation, whatever that topic may have been. I think it made you uncomfortable and you didn't know how to answer it without showing a fraction of who you are inside and you didn't dare want to show your cards, you never dare want to appear to be vulnerable to me. You say we'll discuss this later and you become that guy that later never comes to. You keep saying you wish I'd trust you but you need to stop screwing it up? Maybe try talking to me. Try speaking to me. Try showing yourself, showing your cards, just once in a awhile so I know you've still got them. I don't see any of the person I loved anymore. Not an inch. I loved you, you were my best friend, and I told you my darkest secrets and I wasn't afraid to talk to you about what scared me or what was happening in my life because we had a give and take. But you don't give anything anymore. And I'm not going to hang around hoping that one day you open your eyes and realize that all I want is you to just open your mouth and speak to me. All I've ever wanted from you is for you to just open your mouth and speak to me. I'm not going to be some woman who is busy fighting for and against all of these things in her life, just to at the end of the day, have to fight you. We are at our strongest when we communicate. We've always been at our strongest when we've communicated. Even when it wasn't what the other wanted to hear, even when it broke each others heart, even when it made you sick with worry and me want to kill you...we were strong and we didn't break because we communicated.

Do you know how silly that seems to me now? How silly it all seems? I thought I found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with when I found you and not as my husband, but as my best friend. As someone that I wouldn't lose. Your words, not mine. But I haven't had you as my friend in so long that I don't even know what that feels like. I know what it looked like. And I make no apologies for the actions I took to repair the damage you created. But I am fixed now. All the pieces you hacked away at are back together now. I'm all put together and I'm not going to sit by and wait for you to figure out how to communicate. Our relationship, was brilliant and amazing and beautiful even in its breakdown. But I'm not going to beg you to talk to me. To open your mouth and speak. You're either going to do it because deep down you want it. Or you keep doing what you do now. And I will just remember you for the scars you left on my heart and in my head.

Distances.

What do you do when the people you thought loved you that you thought believed in you, supported you, and really truly gave a damn about you…start turning against you? What do you do, when those that are closest to you start feeling as though they are miles away and can’t even be bothered to open their mouths and communicate even the simplest of thoughts to you or the tiny pinch of feelings thrown in your direction. How can it be so much effort to them that it isn’t worth it? How it can be not worth it? How can you not be worth it? How can they not see what they are doing to you? To your relationship with them, to you two as a unit, as a partnership as…a lifetime…


How can they not see what they are making crumble beneath them? And why don’t they want me to stop it?

"I'm a sink with an open drain. Anything you say to me, runs right out. There is no enough."