So many things can change so quickly and before you know it you find yourself feeling every thing like you did once before, all over again. Just like that it's taken from you.
I don't know quite how to respond to what's been happening to me lately or even how to explain it to those outside of my inner circle. I find myself not even really wanting to. The people I thought I could trust and lean on, the closest people in the world to me, can no longer be trusted to be there, can no longer be relied on. That in itself is difficult to swallow let alone the way it all unfolded. That saying, one step forward, two steps back? I feel like it's two steps forward fifteen steps back. Nowhere near what I wanted it to be or how I wanted any of this to happen. It's easily the most frustrating thing in the world, not being able to fix things you want to fix and not being able to make sense of others actions, hearing them say they love you when really you just know that if they do- they have a fucked up version of love.
My best friend, my sister and I all have matching bracelets. They're thick bands of black, with big bold white letters that say 'F*CK CANCER' on them. Have I mentioned how much I teared up when I found out they both were wearing them for me? My best friend started the idea, she got hers first and rocked it, was so happy to get it and wear it proudly for me. My sister got hers, then mine came (the delivery took forever). We all rock ours, every day, we're in the process of designing one (just my best friend and I), we like to do things like this to support one another, so we each know no matter what happens, no matter whats going on, we have each others back and we will always take care of each other and look out of one another and have each others best interest at heart. We support one another no matter what, even if we don't agree with the situation, and even when its an 'I told you so' moment, we never pull that out. We let one another cry, and we're there, always, making sure neither are alone. I love her to pieces, I can't wait till we get to have a cookie and Veronica Mars marathon and I know, without a doubt, I would not have been able to make it through all of this without her.
Besides, she got me hooked on Misfits!
With everything so messy right now, with me so usnure of practically, fucking everything, I am not unsure of that, of us, of our friendship. She's my rock, my best friend, my lynchpin and she keeps me together at times that I don't even know if I can. She loves me for me, not for my potential, she loves me all of my faults all of my attributes and all. She loves me for me just like I absolutely adore her for her.
Thank you, for every thing. For the late night talks, the books, the movies, the protection that never ends, the smiles and the tears, the cheerleading kicks and pom poms in the face, all of it. Thank you for being you, for being my best friend and for loving me for being me. You're an amazing incredible indvidual and I'm so proud of you.
